Bad Church experiences.....

I got together with a friend the other day to talk to her about this specific subject. A few years ago my husband and I were involved with a church, and it wasn't until most of the leadership had left and other friends and family left that our eyes were opened to some thing that were going on that shouldn't really be going on in a house of God. I'm sure that this pastor and his leaders have the best in mind...that they really are trying to build something to last for the Lord, but the truth of the matter is is that people are leaving hurt, wounded and some have left with their relationship with the Lord no longer in tact. I have friends that have left that are no longer Christians. This extremely grieves my heart. I was hurt too when I left...I just had to realize for myself that the Church is made up of people, and as people, we are all flawed. I had to realize for myself that God is unchanging, stable, never with fault, that He has a plan for all of us personally and as a family of believers and it is us that usually screw it up :) My poor hubby is so hurt...for him this church experience was added on top of a whole lifetime (up until present) of disappointments, hurts, being manipulated and loss. I pray for him all the time, that God would bind up his wounds....and bind up the wounds of others that have been hurt in similar situations....
The dynamic that went on in this church was strange. I knew it at the time to be "the right way", I even looked at other churches and thought they were doing it wrong...not thinking that we need to not look at the "rules" or how a church runs, we need to see that we are all in this walk together, following Christ. It doesn't matter who raises their hands during worship or who just sits in a pew and reflects, who dances in the isles and who stands in reverence singing along to an age old hymn. We are all worshiping the same God....

I see now that there were times we tried to take people from other churches and get them to come to our own...like we were so much better or something. I see now that we were taught to "lead someone to Christ each day", like it was a bragging right, or a contest or something. I see now that the "accountability" was out of control there to a point I think people may have even thought to ask their leader if it was okay to breath or not. Good grief. There was way too much control there to where people didn't know how to think for themselves... I should speak for myself....I didn't know how to think for myself and I tried figuring out the "formula" that all the leaders were living by so that I could become closer to God and more "anointed". What a mess. I left there with not knowing what I believed in a lot of areas of my faith. I had to strip down all of it to the foundation of when I first was saved. And I've been rebuilding ever since.
As much as my heart is grieved...I am glad I experienced all of this. I look back on it with mercy and grace. There have been times my motives haven't been pure. There have been times I haven't been humble. There have been times I have lied and cheated to get ahead. God has grace for me in the times I fall short....and He welcomes me back with open arms. I am so glad that we serve and worship a God who forgives and loves us despite what we do. I have gotten past the anger and resentment and have chosen to love those that have hurt me. It has taken a long time...but I'm glad it hasn't taken a lifetime. I don't post all these things to "get back" at them for what they did. If that were the case I would be saying names of said church, pastor etc.  I post this because I know there are others out there that have dealt with this very same thing and are hurting. You are not alone if you are one of them....God wants to take what you've experienced and teach you things through it. Only if you let Him. I pray you will let Him.

Raking the yard a few months too late :)

So we are renting a house and my precious mom, after asking her, decided she would help me rake the yard (it should have been done at the end of fall....eeeshk) :) What a doll of a mom...especially since I'm hobbling around a bit still and because of the moles...the ground is a little uneven.

My short post today is to say that many hands make light work. I thank you mom for your help...I wouldn't have gotten as much done if you weren't helping me! So sorry about the copperhead snake. I'm so glad it didn't snap at you!!!!

I love my mom....she is one of my best of friends!

Something in the air yesterday.....

So....yesterday started with a bang, one of those days where it's 9am and you would like to just go back to bed just so the day will be over. God teaches us to have grace, patience, to be kind, think well of others....
I have to say I think I failed yesterday with flying colors. I'm so glad my salvation isn't based on one day....or the worst day we can have and how we react to it. I was on FB a couple of times yesterday and it seemed I wasn't the only one feeling attacked. There were a handfull of people posting about feeling attacked. Interesting. I don't know where all of you stand, but I believe in demons and spiritual warfare. Yesterday was one of those days I was imagining being able to see em all, cuz I swear they were wreaking havoc.
I am so glad that I am more than a conquerer in Christ. I'm so glad there is power in the name of Jesus. And I'm so glad that whatever life throws at me and my family, that we have the power and choice to rise above it, to think on the positive and know that as bad as it get's, God always has the best in mind.
                           He always has us in mind.
He can take a mess and make it beautiful. I've seen it happen so many times.  They are like little testimonies to myself, so when things get bad I can look back and remind myself of how bad things have gotten before and I made it through then....and that I can make it through this time too. :-)
Time to learn what I needed to learn from yesterday's experience and move on.....

Sometimes I hate this quote, but it's so good. "God is more concerned about our character than our comfort"....oh and, "Just because something is hard, doesn't mean it's bad~ Just because something is easy doesn't mean it's good"

I believe God brings us through things to help us grow. I want to grow. :)

Hmmmmm.............

So...I started weight watchers today, online. I'm hoping because it's high tech I will stick with it and have more fun :) I know I can do this!
So while I was doing the dishes today I realized something. I was thinking about my past failures with weight loss and for some reason it made me think of how I use to balance my check book. The reason I found a common thread with that and weight loss was when I was young...I would NEVER check my account, or keep up on balancing my checkbook and I would spend spend spend and wonder why I would all of the sudden be in the negative with my banking account! With this tracking what I eat (in a non-obsessive way) it made me think how long I've been treating my eating like that old bank account. I would eat and eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, but because I wasn't keeping track (like balancing the checkbook) I found myself gaining weight and going into the +positive+ weight wise. And wondering why. Well...I knew why but I guess I didn't want to admit to myself that things just might be slightly out of control. Even though I want to be eating foods that are more healthy and nutritious... I definitely want to keep track of the amount of what I'm eating each day. In the past when I have tracked weight watcher points on paper, if I had a day that I would consider normal for "past Jenn", and compare it to" ww Jenn"....I would see that I was eating waaaay tooo much! Anyway, it's all about moderation, right? I really like food. I'd really like to be at a healthier weight and live a long life too. I think I'll be choosing the latter :) I can still enjoy food without overdoing it!

wow....my brain hurts.

Well. What a way to wake up. Say that three times fast! LOL. I awoke this morning to a monster standing over me, and as I rolled over and enveloped my body in satin sheets and comfy comforters, the monster seeped into my sub- conscience. "Quickbooks, payroll, taxes!!!!" it said. I tried to shut out the words, tried to think on lighter things, tried to go back to the nice dream I was having 5 minutes ago. Nope. Didn't work. The monster called Anxiety just wouldn't release it's grip from my brain! Ugh. Like I said: Whatawaytowakeup. Ha!
So, after calling Intuit payroll support a couple of times, I'm happy to announce that I have slayed the beast!!! I used my trusty sword named Overcome. My dad is so right on with the quote, "Action cures fear".  I proved to myself that I could do it!!! Now on to the other beasts. There is this dragon called Taxes, or is it's name simply Quickbooks for Mac? I think the latter. It's the Quickbooks beast that is causing the problem. To war!!!!!!