Bad Church experiences.....

I got together with a friend the other day to talk to her about this specific subject. A few years ago my husband and I were involved with a church, and it wasn't until most of the leadership had left and other friends and family left that our eyes were opened to some thing that were going on that shouldn't really be going on in a house of God. I'm sure that this pastor and his leaders have the best in mind...that they really are trying to build something to last for the Lord, but the truth of the matter is is that people are leaving hurt, wounded and some have left with their relationship with the Lord no longer in tact. I have friends that have left that are no longer Christians. This extremely grieves my heart. I was hurt too when I left...I just had to realize for myself that the Church is made up of people, and as people, we are all flawed. I had to realize for myself that God is unchanging, stable, never with fault, that He has a plan for all of us personally and as a family of believers and it is us that usually screw it up :) My poor hubby is so hurt...for him this church experience was added on top of a whole lifetime (up until present) of disappointments, hurts, being manipulated and loss. I pray for him all the time, that God would bind up his wounds....and bind up the wounds of others that have been hurt in similar situations....
The dynamic that went on in this church was strange. I knew it at the time to be "the right way", I even looked at other churches and thought they were doing it wrong...not thinking that we need to not look at the "rules" or how a church runs, we need to see that we are all in this walk together, following Christ. It doesn't matter who raises their hands during worship or who just sits in a pew and reflects, who dances in the isles and who stands in reverence singing along to an age old hymn. We are all worshiping the same God....

I see now that there were times we tried to take people from other churches and get them to come to our own...like we were so much better or something. I see now that we were taught to "lead someone to Christ each day", like it was a bragging right, or a contest or something. I see now that the "accountability" was out of control there to a point I think people may have even thought to ask their leader if it was okay to breath or not. Good grief. There was way too much control there to where people didn't know how to think for themselves... I should speak for myself....I didn't know how to think for myself and I tried figuring out the "formula" that all the leaders were living by so that I could become closer to God and more "anointed". What a mess. I left there with not knowing what I believed in a lot of areas of my faith. I had to strip down all of it to the foundation of when I first was saved. And I've been rebuilding ever since.
As much as my heart is grieved...I am glad I experienced all of this. I look back on it with mercy and grace. There have been times my motives haven't been pure. There have been times I haven't been humble. There have been times I have lied and cheated to get ahead. God has grace for me in the times I fall short....and He welcomes me back with open arms. I am so glad that we serve and worship a God who forgives and loves us despite what we do. I have gotten past the anger and resentment and have chosen to love those that have hurt me. It has taken a long time...but I'm glad it hasn't taken a lifetime. I don't post all these things to "get back" at them for what they did. If that were the case I would be saying names of said church, pastor etc.  I post this because I know there are others out there that have dealt with this very same thing and are hurting. You are not alone if you are one of them....God wants to take what you've experienced and teach you things through it. Only if you let Him. I pray you will let Him.